Saturday, October 24, 2009

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Words for Women to Live By

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Australian Bush Poetry

Where the Dead Men Lie
Barcroft Henry Boake

Out on the wastes of the "Never Never,"
That's where the dead men lie,
There where the heat-waves dance forever,
That's where the dead men lie;
That's where the Earth's lov'd sons are keeping
endless tryst - not the west wind sweeping
feverish pinions, can wake their sleeping -
Out where the dead men lie!

Where brown Summer and Death have mated,
That's where the dead men lie,
Loving with fiery lust unsated,
That's where the dead men lie;
Out where the grinning skulls bleach whitely,
Under the saltbush sparkling brightly,
Out where the wild dogs chorus nightly,
That's where the dead men lie.

Deep in the yellow, flowing river,
That's where the dead men lie,
Under the banks where the shadows quiver,
That's where the dead men lie;
Where the platypus twists and doubles,
leaving a trail of tiny bubbles;
Rid at last of their earthly troubles,
That's where the dead men lie.

East and backward pale faces turning,
That's how the dead men lie;
Gaunt arms stretched with a voiceless yearning,
That's how the dead men lie;
Oft in the fragrant hush of nooning,
Hearing again their mother's crooning,
Wrapt for aye in a dreadful swooning,
That's how the dead men lie.

Nought but the hand of Night can free them;
That's when the dead men fly;
Only the frightened cattle see them -
See the dead men go by;
Cloven hoofs beating out one measure,
Bidding the stockman know no leisure,
That's when the dead men take their pleasure,
That's when the dead men fly.

Ask, too, the never-sleeping drover,
He sees the dead pass by,
Hearing them call to their friends - the plover,
Hearing the dead men cry.
Seeing their faces stealing, stealing,
Hearing their laughter pealing, pealing,
Watching their grey forms wheeling, wheeling
Round where the cattle lie.

Strangled by thirst and fierce privation -
That's how the dead men die
Out on "Moneygrub's" furthest station,
That's how the dead men die;
Hardfaced greybeards, youngsters callow,
Some mounds cared for, some left fallow,
Some deep down, yet others shallow,
Some having but the sky.

"Moneygrub" as he sips his claret
Looks with complacent eye
Down at his watch-chain, eighteen-carat,
There in his club hard by:
Recks not that every link is stamped with
Names of the men whose limbs are cramped with
Too long lying in grave-mould, camped with
Death where the dead men lie.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Charles Manson was 5'2"
That says so much, explains so much

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Friday, May 01, 2009

The Downfall of Agile Hitler

Secret video footage of the Nazi's last agile planning meeting: Hitler goes crazy when he learns that his team has not been following the tenets of the agile manifesto..

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Top 50 job interview questions answered the way they should be

With many thanks to Examiner.com (where you can find this and much, much more!)
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Welcome to the world of ambiguity.

Job interviews are often filled with unnecessary questions and ambiguity. The problem is so common that I often dream about the opportunity to apply for a job I don't want just to see how it unfolds. Based on the top 50 interview questions available at Trader's Psychology (the undisputed leader of all things Job Interview), I have provided an example of how that interview might go down:

1. Tell me about yourself:
Do you want the whole thing or just bits and pieces. I have a very 'storied' past.

2. Why did you leave your last job?
I didn't. It left me.

3. What experience do you have in this field?
I have worked in it.

4. Do you consider yourself successful?
Yes.

5. What do co-workers say about you?
I've never asked them to talk about me.

6. What do you know about this organization?
That you have a job opening.

7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?
I have read the news and I watch public television and listen to public radio.

8. Are you applying for other jobs?
Not at the moment, but I applied for tons of jobs earlier this week.

9. Why do you want to work for this organization?
I don't recall saying I did. Do you already know why you want me to work for you?

10. Do you know anyone who works for us?
No, if I did, I probably wouldn't have to sit through this BS.

You can read the rest of the questions & answers at http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-3040-Minneapolis-Life-in-the-Cubicle-Examiner~y2009m4d1-Top-50-job-interview-questions-answered-the-way-they-should-be