It's been a while since I posted here, mostly because I've been deeply depressed by job hunting.

It's not that I don't get responses to my CV, I do. In fact I get a high response to my CV and I get a large number of interviews. The interviews also go pretty well since a large number of them produce an invitation to return for the "shortlist" 2nd tier interview. But, after all those successful steps, I keep failing to succeed at the final stage where I would get a job offer.

This is soul destroying. To put yourself out on the public stage, the marketplace, day after day and to be rejected time after time. It's a very personal rejection. Because once you make it past the primary interview, they know you have the skills and experience required to do the job. Then it's all a beauty contest. They are just judging you as a person and rejecting you personally. Saying I'd rather work with someone else, I like someone else better.

Think back to grade school where everyone used to line up to be picked for teams and think about always making it to the 2nd or third round and getting left standing there rejected at the end. Then think about if that happened to you day after day for months.

Nightmare, isn't it?

So no wonder I am depressed. Personally rejected by the professional world time after time. And not working means not getting paid which creates a cascade of disasters which further depress me.

And there's no relief because day after day I have to go through the process again and again. Smiling. Smiling and being bright. Smiling and being earnest. Smiling but being dignified. Smiling and being knowledgable.

It's so completely irrational and random and luck of the draw. And the deck is stacked against you. The house always wins.

Very depressing.